Immaculate Infatuation

It would seem to us here at Immaculate Infatuation that the only way to properly assess the fawned over revival of the Minetta Tavern is to take aim directly at the ridiculous love fest that both the national and New York food media has had with the place. Let’s start here – everyone chill the f–k out.

I don’t want to start this review out with negativity, but it’s only fair that we discuss what has been said about Minetta. All the hype led us in with high expectations, as it would with anyone paying attention to the heavy hitters like The New York Times, New York Magazine, and The Food Network. It’s one thing to read a chorus of glowing reviews about a new restaurant online, but once Frank Bruni crowns Minetta Tavern “the best steakhouse in the city,” you should be expecting perfection. It’s also probably worth mentioning that Tyler Florence went off about the burger on the Food Network for a full half hour, but then again, anything that guy puts in his mouth on television is “fantastic.” That being said, here’s the Infatuation bottom line: while the food at Minetta Tavern is very good, it does not, and can not live up to all the hype. Is it the best steakhouse in New York? No way.

Our meal at Minetta was definitely satisfying, but there were some notable let-downs. The $26 Black Label Burger is excellent, and the cheaper Minetta Burger is also very good, but going to a place like this just for a burger seems counter-intuitive … a burger joint, this is not. For starters, there is a gigantic bouncer with a clip board at the door, and reservations at a decent hour are nearly impossible to secure. The room is appealing and the service is good, but an attempt at exclusivity diminishes the charm. If Minetta Tavern were a little cheaper, a little more accessible, and a little less Waverly Inn, it could be one of the great restaurants in New York for a long time to come. We’ll see if it can continue to thrive under the weight of such great expectations.

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Much like other recent openings (see Minetta Tavern, DBGB), Locanda Verde has been a hot topic among food critics and writers of late. Those who faithfully read these reviews will surely come away able to tell their friends all about how Robert DeNiro is still involved, as is an up and coming New York chef, Andrew Carmellini. And they will surely let everyone know how much better Locanda Verde is than Ago was, even though the Ago in LA is fantastic. How nice for them.

Luckily, you come to this site for the real deal (and also because you are awesome), so here it is. Locanda Verde is a very good restaurant, and it is so because the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. What does that mean exactly? The space is nice, but you’re not going to be sending your friends pics from your blackberry. The wait staff is pleasant and well versed in the menu, but they aren’t going to make you want to drop a thirty percent tip. The wine list is nice, though ordering by the glass seems to be the way to go. Most importantly, the majority of the food on the menu is very good on its own, but if you order correctly, the entire meal will be a fantastic experience and you will need a forklift to get your fat ass out of there. Take each individual aspect, add it together, and you have a pretty great dining experience, one that is actually quite deserving of the recent praise. Kudos to Bobby D.

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You know how occasionally something is brought to your attention and all of a sudden it’s everywhere? Two weeks ago, this place didn’t register at all on my radar, now, I can’t escape it. Every magazine I open, every food blog I read, every person I talk is all up in Elettaria’s business. I was hesitant at first. Indian influenced? Not my thing. I’m scared shitless of curry and Indian food in general. But I thank you Elettaria for being my gateway to Indian food.

The space is quite interesting, there’s somewhat of a medieval vibe due to exposed brick walls, wood slated ceilings, vintage artwork spattered about, and a communal feel thanks to an open kitchen in the back. Plus, the fact that Djimon Hounsou, from movies like Gladiator and Blood Diamond, waits tables here only added to that concept (yeah, I didn’t know his name until I looked it up either). Seriously though, the guy is a spitting image of him and sports an amazing French accent too. Apparently the decor, theme, and service aren’t the only things with an archaic theme; the clientele follow the same pattern. Granted, location plays a part in this, but we were at least ten to fifteen years younger than anyone else dining there. Apparently this is a hip restaurant for an older demo; a perfect place to bring the folks.

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We’re not fooled, DBGB. It’s pretty apparent what’s going on here. Someone, maybe even Daniel Boulud himself, rolled into Spitzer’s Corner a few months back and thought, “This is a great idea. How can I screw it up?”

If that doesn’t quite paint the picture in your mind, allow me to elaborate. Imagine Restoration Hardware served food, and someone was handing out flyers all over the Upper East Side promoting this hot new furniture store/restaurant downtown where you can bring your second wife after she gets sick of Per Se. Lots of midlife crises on display in this buzzy new Bowery restaurant.

DBGB is definitely an attempt at the gastro pub model – a few burgers on the menu, twenty-some-odd beers on tap, and some fancy things with duck egg thrown in so you don’t forget who’s running the place. The beers are all micro-brews from around the world – again, very “gastro pub”, but few are good, and even fewer are reasonably priced. The menu is way too big, and the food was a huge letdown. So much so, that we didn’t manage to finish a single dish we ordered … not even the desserts they comped us as penance for the entrees showing up just minutes after the appetizers. There must have been twelve waiters assigned to our table, and I’m not sure there was one moment of peace without some asshole wiping down the table, re-folding a napkin, or erroneously delivering a third order of fries. What’s that? There is a great beer I have to try that tastes like coffee? Get out of my face, I am trying to eat a tiny crab cake.

I’ll walk you through it in the food rundown, but the only way I can explain all the rave reviews for DBGB is that by the time you actually sit, you’ve likely had five pints of beer with the equivalent alcohol percentage of jungle juice. After that, sure, the fourteen dollar asparagus and duck egg appetizer probably seems edible.

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For the money, Max is the best Italian in all of New York City. A long-standing Infatuation favorite, Max has been in heavy rotation for years. It’s the kind of place that seriously cares about customer satisfaction and it’s apparent through their food as well as their service. Don’t love a dish? They’ll happily bring you something else. If they recognize you as a regular, don’t be surprised if dessert is on the house. The vibe is low key and homey; it feels like eating in your Italian friend’s grandma’s dining room. In the back of the restaurant, the huge outdoor patio area is key for warm weather hangin’ and grubbin’. Portions are generous and for an average of eleven dollars per entree, you can’t go wrong.

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