Local pig farmers must have thrown the biggest barnyard rager ever when news broke that The Spotted Pig’s Ken Friedman and April Bloomfield were ditching their failed fish experiment, The John Dory, and headed back to the swine. Everyone on the Internet certainly paid attention. Hands down, The Breslin was the single-most hyped restaurant opening of 2009. Like college kids camped out before Bonnaroo, hungry food bloggers set up shop in the Ace Hotel lobby for weeks, drinking Porkslap Pale Ale and sleeping on couches as they typed, tweeted and texted The Breslin’s every move.
Not to say that we weren’t guilty of blowing up @immaculateinfat with pictures of pig foot now and again, but we definitely tried to not get sucked in by the hype. We hit The Breslin as much as possible before fully weighing in, which wasn’t an easy task. It’s obviously one of the tougher tables in town. Over the last month or two, we managed a solid Chronic Brunch hang with Hot 97’s Miss Info and Spin.com’s Peter Gaston and a Dinner With The Parent’s move was manageable mid-week. The Breslin is definitely a better option for Weekday/After Work Drinks & Dinner than on the weekends, when you’re sure to hit crazy three hour waits.
So what do we think? We fully expected to be head over heels for this place, but truth be told, it’s all just a bit too much. The food is brutally unhealthy, rich and hearty. Some of it is good and some of it not so good, but no matter what, it’s going to hit you over the head. Those Breslin induced meat sweats NY Times scribe Sam Sifton describes in his review are for real. You’ll be feeling this meal in your gut for days. Aside from the food, the service is terrible and cost The Breslin some major points. Forget about industry experience, it seems like they had an open casting in Washington Square Park, signing up anyone with tattoos, a dirty flannel shirt and below average IQ. These are not the same seasoned vets you’ll find at The Spotted Pig. These are hip looking kids who belong in class, not making our $14 drinks. Speaking of drinks, I need one badly after writing this manifesto.
Food Rundown:
Full English Breakfast
Consisting of a fried egg (one of the better fried eggs we’ve ever had), pork sausage, bacon, roasted tomato and grilled mushrooms, this is one hell of a way to start off your day. I kind of wish they substituted potatoes instead of the vegetables, but what can you do.
Skirt Steak with Green Sauce & Fried Eggs
Good luck doing anything with the rest of your day. This is not the kind of breakfast that yields productivity. Skirt steak was good, not mind blowing. Again, the eggs here are fantastic.
Pork Scratchings
Fried pork rinds show up in a bag like they were bought from the market. Nice gimmick, and for five dollars, not a bad deal. A bag that size is definitely going to cost you more at Whole Foods.
Scotch Egg
So, I’ve now been for dinner three times. The first time they couldn’t make the scotch egg. They apologized and said the kitchen was having issues. Second and third time through, they were all out. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. We’ve heard rumors that they’re really good. We wouldn’t know.
Beef & Stilton Pie
Cute little beef pies that left much to be desired, they’re extremely dry and almost flavorless. Skip these and get down with something else.
Hog Island Oysters with Pickle Juice
Respect to Bloomfield for rolling with Hog Island’s, the best Oyster spot in all of San Fran. The pickle juice was a nice touch, enjoyed it more than I thought I would.
Onion and Bone Marrow Soup
Similar looking and tasting to standard French onion soup, the bone marrow gave it an extra rich flavor that balanced quite well with the parmesan toast it’s served with. A solid, albeit heavy, appetizer and possibly one of the only soups I’d ever recommend to share. All you need is a couple sips of this and you’re good to go.
Herbed Caesar Salad with Anchovy Croutons
Somehow even the lone salad on the menu manages to be rather filling. Huge romaine leaves lathered in dressing give this green a lot of personality. You could order this and the Bone Marrow soup as your dinner and still end up in a food coma.
Smoked Pork Belly with Mashed Potatoes For Two
This isn’t that standard small piece of pork belly that most restaurants serve. No way. This thing is huge. My issue is that to get to the beautiful tender pieces, you have to eat through thick layers of fat. Yes, it tastes great, but you can feel the lard trickling down your esophagus and sitting in your belly for the next week.
Stuffed Pigs Foot For Two
They claim this is the foot of a pig, but this thing looks it came off a T-Rex. It could easily feed the entire Jets offensive line. As much as we wanted to, we just weren’t feelin’ the foot. The crispy, fatty pieces of meat in the actual foot part are incredibly rich and the stuffed part of the foot tasted like meat loaf. Bad meat loaf. Also, spitting out pig toe bones during dinner…kind of nasty.
Lamb Burger with Thrice Cooked Steak Fries
Not a bad burger, but certainly not in the same league as The Spotted Pig’s. Shaped like a hockey puck, this grilled disc sits neatly in a fresh sourdough bun – one that packs just a little too much bread. Medium rare seems to come out medium, but maybe that’s just how the lamb cooks? This isn’t the wet and wild burger experience we were expecting, I didn’t even need to pick up a napkin. The steak fries are creating quite the buzz and deservedly so. The outsides are nice and crispy while the insides are straight up mashed. Fries > Burger.
