Five Leaves

18 Bedford Ave., Greenpoint, NY

6.6

map & more

Neighborhood
Greenpoint

Cuisine
American

Nearby
CoCo 66
Warsaw

718-383-5345

Official Website

By Andrew Steinthal
October 20, 2011

We know there are glaring holes in Immaculate Infatuation, holes we’re keen on filling over time. Especially now that we want people to be able to use The Infatuation Application in their hood. It took us approximately 9 years, two months and 21 days of living in Manhattan to finally make it out to Greenpoint for something other than nu-rave at Studio-B (remember that? what happened to Klaxons?), so we figured our first move should be the eye of the storm. Five Leaves is the beloved spot that started this alleged food movement currently taking place on the other side of Williamsburg.

In some parts of this world, we’re considered hipsters. Like, in Texas. Or, when hanging out with bro-tastic college friends. This certainly isn’t the case in Greenpoint, especially at Five Leaves. The waiter with the braided, foot long rat tail? Yeah, he makes our necks look as red as Kenny F*cking P.

The average circumference of a hipsters ass must be on par with that of a toddler. Five Leaves has got to be the single most uncomfortable, cramped restaurant ever. Are they kidding with how tight they pack it in here? We felt like Rick Ross and Nicki Minaj (Stang) attempting to squeeze into a Mazda Miata. Discomfort aside, we ate with an open mind. Sure, for a neighborhood spot, it’s a solid utility option, but this isn’t a restaurant we’d ever travel for. If it wasn’t for the burger and the ricotta pancakes, both of which which were quite good, Five Leaves’ score would have been in serious trouble. The price is definitely reasonable, which also earns them some points, but the service was awful both times we dined here and there were a couple things we tried that should have never been allowed out of the kitchen. It’s very possible that we’re super spoiled Manhattanites, but we expected more from a restaurant everyone in Brooklyn seems to love. We know we’re going to catch from flak for this, but we just don’t buy the hype on Five Leaves. Don’t be upset.

Food Rundown:

Ricotta Pankcakes
A huge stack of pretty undeniably delicious pancakes taste faintly of ricotta. It’s not overwhelming, but just enough so that you know it’s there. Bananas, strawberries and blueberries are sandwiches between the cakes and it’s served with honeycomb butter, which we didn’t really care for, and syrup. Definitely a good option for brunch and possibly the best thing on the menu.

Fresh Sage Scrambled Organic Eggs
This was actually a really good egg sandwich, served with a side of spicy tomato jam, which was slammin’. The only downside – it’s really messy.

Big Breakkie
Eggs, hash browns, toast and two sides – sausage and bacon, obviously. This was fine, but not exciting. The bacon surprisingly sucked, because the fat hadn’t been rendered enough. Floppy, chewy, and unappealing.

Chopped Black Kale Salad
A mound of kale in a spicy anchovy dressing with hazelnuts, that’s sprinkled with snow-like aged gouda cheese. This is good, but how many forkfuls of kale can you really ingest in one sitting? four? Kale is not a light leaf. Does it even count as a leaf?

Flash Fried Oysters
These were pretty damn good. Fried oysters served on the half shell with smoked chili aioli and cucumber relish. The relish was a great compliment to the salty, fried oyster and the chili aioli packed some serious heat.

Watermelon & Heirloom Tomato Salad
This was really bad. Watermelon with heirloom crab, shiso, gingered olive puree and corn nuts? That sounds pretty damn good. Alas, what arrived at our table was a big mushy mess and there was something about the watermelon that just seemed off. I suppose that’s what watermelon tastes like in Ocotber.

Seared Hamachi
That dish I referred to in the review about not being allowed out of the kitchen? Yup, this guy. You can’t serve a piece of fish that tastes like last weeks leftovers at a restaurant, even in Brooklyn. Wow, this was really really really bad. AND it was suggested by our waiter. Go figure.

Five Leaves Burger
OK, we’ll admit it. The burger was damn good. If you find yourself at Five Leaves, this is what you should order. The combination of fried pineapple ring, picked beets, harissa mayo and a sunny side up egg sounds crazy, but worked quite well. It’s a nice size too. This burger earned Five Leaves some points.

Bar Steak
It’s tough to eat a hanger steak in Brooklyn after you’ve messed around with the Butchers Cut at St Anselm. I talked us into ordering this, but it was nothing more than a pretty bland hanger steak and a tough one at that. Skip.