Immaculate Infatuation

I once saw a man at Shake Shack, dressed in a suit and setting a formal table. On the small metal table he placed a white tablecloth, fine silverware, a candle, and some flowers. For a moment, I was overcome with joy at the beautiful event that was about to unfold before me … this man was about to propose to a burger.

Unfortunately, a woman soon arrived and the man instead professed his undying love for her. Nonetheless, I was inspired, and had learned something important. I now realized that I could live a fulfilled and happy life devoted to a single hamburger – The Shack Burger.

There are two lessons to be learned from this story. First, Shake Shack is the burger by which all other New York City burgers are to be measured. This is hamburger perfection, and the epic lines are the only thing preventing weekly Infatuation visits. Second, there is a huge badass somewhere out there that proposed to his girlfriend over a burger and fries. Well done sir.

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Welcome to the best burger in town. Hidden behind red velvet curtains inside the swank Midtown hotel Le Paker Meridien, is this staged hole in the wall, complete with fake wood paneling and vinyl booths. The menu and ordering instructions are written on cardboard, and you better be ready to roll by the time you make it to the counter (by that point you will have been in line for ten minutes, minimum). Nonetheless, this is well worth the long wait and jockeying for a seat. Sit down with a burger, fries that come in a brown paper bag, and a pitcher of beer. No talking.

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History. Corner Bistro is filled with it, especially for Immaculate Infatuation. To fully understand why we back the Bistro so hard, we need to drop a little Infatuation history lesson.

Before it was the name of this website, the name Immaculate Infatuation belonged to a made up British rock band that my college friends and I dressed up as for Halloween one year. Check the pic, we were a bad ass rock-n-roll shred machine. Think Guns N’ Roses meet a British version of Motley Crue. The town of Ithaca, NY will never fully recover from that night. After the band retired, Immaculate Infatuation lived on as my fantasy football team name. Luckily, Diddy rejected it as a suggestion for Making the Band 4’s group name, and when Stang and I needed to figure out what to call our new venture, the choice was obvious.

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You can walk by this place a thousand times and think “Eh, typical half-ass sports bar I’d never step foot into” and keep walking. Little do you know that tucked away in the back is a tropical burger oasis. That’s right, just like B.I.G. said, “if you don’t know, now you know.” Over the last four years, Royale has built up a cult following amongst lower Manhattan burger biters. You are more than welcome to enjoy your burger in the confines of the dark bar area but the real sell is the oversized outdoor garden. On nice days, the garden is bumpin’ with an eclectic east village crowd of day drinkers enjoying buckets o’ beer, plump burgers, and good tunes. Let’s talk about the burger.

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Just as we were swearing ourselves off the Meatpacking District for good, Bill’s Bar & Burger opens its doors and drags us right back in. Bill’s took over the space that used to be the Hog Pit, and even though we had a handful of good nights there somewhere around 2003, it was time for something new. Luckily, what took over the space is not another nightclub with a chef or restaurant with a DJ, but rather an excellent burger joint reminiscent of the great middle-of-nowhere dives around the country.

Bill’s burgers are griddle-top masterpieces with a low profile and a soft sesame seed bun, and they‘re definitely one of the best burgers in town. Variations on the standard include a burger with Anaheim chiles and an excellent homage to the In-N-Out classic. The prices are middle-of-nowhere cheap, and the service is laid back and friendly. We were especially pleased to find two well placed flat screens in the bar – perfect for discreetly watching a game while you house a burger or two.

At the end of the day, it’s probably a good thing for our health that Bill’s didn’t open in a neighborhood that we visit more frequently. Plus, that central Meatpacking location will make them a mint feeding all the drunks before they hop back in the limo and text their friends from a phone they dropped in the toilet. We’ll save our visits for afternoons.

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