Food Rundown:

Raw Bar
A classic raw bar with oysters, clams, and some shrimp cocktail. A few drinks and some oysters at the bar are always a good idea, assuming you can actually get to it.

Maryland ‘Hand Picked’ Jumbo Lump Crab Cake
A solid crab cake that can be a nice starter for the table. In an era when pork buns and brussels sprouts seem to be on every menu, and old school appetizer is nice.

The Cadillac Burger
The gold standard at P.J. Clarkes, this is their burger with bacon and cheese. The bacon is cooked perfectly, as is the burger, and it’s tasty and satisfying, even if a little on the small side. They recently revamped this guy with a new meat grind and bun, which the jury is still out on for us. We fear change.

3 Mini Cheeseburgers w/ Bubble & Squeak
Just as tasty as the full size burger, and served with bubble and squeak, which is apparently not a cartoon rat family.

Lobster Roll
So much lobster roll talk lately. Unfortunately, we felt it our duty to weigh in on P.J. Clarke’s, which is somehow boring and a bit too chewy.

Fries
If you only come to P.J. Clarke’s to eat fries and drink, you’ll walk away happy. These are crispy, salty, and perfect, and should be on your table no matter what.

Diner has been a Williamsburg institution for a decade now. Originally built out of necessity by two friends in need of a place to eat, drink and hang out – it soon became not only their home base, but every other recent settler’s home as well. It’s like the hipster Plymouth Rock. As expected, Diner takes the form of, well, a diner. It’s basically a hole in the wall, and if it weren’t for the constant crowds, you’d probably wonder how a place that looks like this stays in business. Everyone inside is most definitely cooler than you, but they don’t think they’re better than you. Both the clientele and staff are friendly, and generally seem to be enjoying themselves. There are no hard copies of the menu, your server personally writes the daily specials by hand on your table.

Food Rundown:

Fettuccini Special
You can always count on Diner for an excellent pasta special, and this homemade fettuccini appetizer with sugar snap peas and broccoli that we had last week was spot on. A light summery pasta that went quite well with our patio seat in the sun.

Rabbit Milanesa
Rabbit two ways – one, as a fried milanesa and the other as a shredded, braised meat over a salad of green and carrots and peas in a mustard dressing. Rabbit tastes like the dark meat of a chicken, with a little more BOOM if you will. Both styles tasted great, but it was the milanesa I’m still thinking about. It tasted like dessert. A little on the pricey side for an appetizer ($18), but really freakin’ awesome.

Bistro Top Rounds
Sliced steak served with mustard greens – both of which come fresh from Marlow & Daughters butcher a half block away. The melt in your mouth factor of the marrow butter makes up for the fact that the actual meat is a little tough. That’s all overshadowed by the fries though. Short, stocky potato chunks that are perfectly crispy, salty and delicious.

Burger
The burger is the one thing that’s always on the menu and for good reason. It’s one of the best burgers you’ll find in Brooklyn, and deserves consideration for anyone putting together a best of NYC list. It’s Just greasy enough to represent a real diner burger, but still made from grass-fed cows. Served on a delicious toasted brioche bun with pickled onions and greens, this thing is legit.

So now you know the gimmick – but are the burgers any good? The answer is…kind of. The ingredients are definitely fresh, and a few of the burgers are pretty tasty. There are some problems though. First of all, grass fed beef is apparently really fucking expensive. Ten bucks to eat meat from a cow that wasn’t born in Japan is a little much. Also, there is something suspect about the staff and the way this place operates. It’s a bit unorganized. And every time we went in, we watched each griddle dude pick up the burgers and peek into the center to check for doneness. What is that? Your whole job is to cook a burger. You should know when it’s done without having to give it the How’s Your Father. Overall, this is a decent burger, and it will do the job in an area that could use a few more quick dinner options. But enough with trying to make me feel better about myself after I just ate a thousand calories of meat and fat. I can handle the guilt.

Food Rundown:

The Beautiful Day Burger
Your basic burger with tomato, pickle, and grilled onions – but there is also thousand island on this. Unfortunately, it doesn’t add much. This isn’t a terrible by any means, but it’s also not incredible and it’s pricey.

The Rainforest Burger
This one has gruyere cheese, avocado, and herb mayo. Our favorite burger on the menu, this is tasty, and the herb mayo and avocado make it a bit different from the norm.

The Magnificent Meadow Burger
These names are so terrible. This is definitely not magnificent. It’s a perfectly fine burger with Swiss and grilled mushrooms. Let’s re-name this one the Pretty Decent Because I Am Starving Sunshine Burger. And let’s drop the price by four bucks.

The Rolling Hills Burger
Why do people insist on eating turkey burgers? Why do so many burger places feel obligated to sell one? Brgr has four on the menu. They all suck, including this one. If your whole game is trying to convince people that grass fed beef is better for you than vitamins, why sell an alternative?

Sides
The fries are not good. Nor is the “onion hay”, which are shreds of fried onions that are really greasy and too salty. Sweet potato fries are the best of the lot. Skip The Trio (a basket with all three) and just order those.

Shakes
The blueberry-pomegranate shake at Brgr’s original location earned some accolades a few years back. It’s on the menu here as well. Here’s the deal. Four times I have ordered a shake at Brgr, and all but once, I essentially spent six dollars on flavored milk. The one time that the shake actually had the consistency of a shake, it was because it was pulled from the freezer. So basically it was a soupy mess when it was actually made, then it firmed up because it was old. If all six thousand Wendy’s on the planet can make a frosty without screwing it up, both Brgr locations should be able to get a shake right. Especially when it costs six bucks.

If you haven’t been, there are a few things you should know: it will inevitably be crowded, you need to drink beers by the bottle (not from the tap), and the service will not be friendly. But before you go running to Yelp to tell all your “friends” about how mean they were to you, consider this – it’s a New York institution that’s been serving burgers since TGI Friday’s was nothing more than a swinging singles bar down the street. Respect your elders and eat.

Photo Credit: Nick Solares/A Hamburger Today

Food Rundown:

BurgersA fantastic, flavorful burger cooked on a flattop and served on a lightly toasted and soft bun. This isn’t a down and dirty burger you’ll wrestle with, but rather a simple classic that fits nicely in your hand. Don’t be afraid to mess around with grilled onions – they’re tasty – and we definitely reccommend adding bacon.

Cup of Chili
Melons also happens to serve a surprisingly great chili. Take that Wendy’s.

Someone needs to explain to me why a burger joint would be compelled to serve a full menu of sushi. Where I come from, these two fine delicacies don’t play nice in the kitchen. You’re either in the mood for one or the other, and you certainly don’t want the greasy dude running the grill cutting up maki rolls and handling raw fish. I could see those kinds of shenanigans in LA, but not here. We’re better than that. After tasting a bunch of non-burger items on the 5NB menu, sushi is just about the last thing I’d want to mess with here; everything except the burger was straight up bad.

Food Rundown:

Deep Fried Pickles & Pastrami
We dig both of these things individually, but 5NB’s combination just doesn’t work. Pastrami is not meant to be eaten stuffed inside fried pickles; it comes out soggy and gross.

Hot Spinach & Artichoke Dip
Not terrible, just not something I’d necessarily order again. The dip itself is ok, but we’re not sold on serving endive spears to dunk. Just give us more bread please.

Hell’s Kitchen Wings
Sloppy, wet and nasty. That’s how I would describe these. They’re served in a green tomato and pineapple ketchup glaze which is borderline inedible. Skip it.

Original Five Napkin Burger
It’s one thing when a burger is sloppy, we’re down with that. It’s another thing your burger is dripping like Patrick Ewing in the 4th quarter. They weren’t kidding when they named this place Five Napkin. This burger goes beyond juicy, it’s a full on oil spill. You’re going to need a shower after this.

5 Napkin Veggie Burger
Not entirely convinced that there are no animal products in this veggie burger because it looks like raw meat. Also, just because you order a veggie burger doesn’t mean you want it on whole grain bread instead of the grease ball bread everyone else’s burger comes on. Make sure you ask for the toasted white roll instead.

Before it was the name of this website, the name Immaculate Infatuation belonged to a made up British rock band that my college friends and I dressed up as for Halloween one year. Check the pic, we were a bad ass rock-n-roll shred machine. Think Guns N’ Roses meet a British version of Motley Crue. The town of Ithaca, NY will never fully recover from that night. After the band retired, Immaculate Infatuation lived on as my fantasy football team name. Luckily, Diddy rejected it as a suggestion for Making the Band 4’s group name, and when Stang and I needed to figure out what to call our new venture, the choice was obvious.

We’re the kings of talking shit. World domination was never in doubt, the question was how we were going to do it. Before the Infatuation went live April 1st 2009, about a million other potentially genius plans were discussed. Thankfully the initial idea of starting our own record label never materialized, that would have been a disaster. Loading peoples iPod’s for $100 a pop seemed interesting, but was both illegal and way too time consuming. Our clothing line actually had a name, “My Future”, but only wound up producing a single t-shirt. The iTunes of porn? Fun to think about, but we’re just not that dirty. I still think opening an awesome wings place in NYC is a smart idea; whoever finally does it correctly is going to make a killing. My point? All this “we’re gonna be huge ballers” talk happened somewhere, and more often than not, it happened at the Bistro. There’s something about pounding cheap beers and burgers here that makes you feel like anything is possible. When we finally decided it was go time for Immaculate Infatuation, we were sitting in Corner Bistro. Look hard enough and you’ll find it engraved in one of the back booths. That’s our Corner Bistro story, I’m sure you have your own as well. If these walls could talk, they’d give away all our secrets.

Food Rundown:

Bistro Burger
Before the burger craze hit this city like Cloverfield, the Bistro Burger was always considered one of Manhattan’s best. That hasn’t changed in our minds. The burger game may have become more competitive, but that doesn’t take away from this spot’s greatness. Without Corner Bistro, there is no Minetta Tavern Black Label Burger. Yes, there may be better burgers out there, but no better chomping ground to eat them. We’ve declared Shake Shack as the burger all other NYC burgers are to be measured, but Corner Bistro is the burger establishment all other NYC burger joints are to be measured. It’s true, there’s nothing fancy about this burger as it arrives at your table on a paper plate. It’s straight up chuck; dirty, greasy, massive and delicious. A true classic and as New York as it gets.

Fries
Don’t be shy, order your own. You’re not going to want to share these thin, McDonald’s style salty potatoes.

Grilled Cheese
A friend of mine comes here all the time and only orders the Grilled Cheese. She freakin’ loves it, can’t get enough. If beef isn’t your thing, here’s another incredibly unhealthy option.

Grilled Chicken Sandwich
Although I’ve never tasted it, I know people who have and back it. As down and dirty as the burger, but chicken.

Unfortunately, a woman soon arrived and the man instead professed his undying love for her. Nonetheless, I was inspired, and had learned something important. I now realized that I could live a fulfilled and happy life devoted to a single hamburger – The Shack Burger.

There are two lessons to be learned from this story. First, Shake Shack is the burger by which all other New York City burgers are to be measured. This is hamburger perfection, and the epic lines are the only thing preventing weekly Infatuation visits. Second, there is a huge badass somewhere out there that proposed to his girlfriend over a burger and fries. Well done sir.

Food Rundown:

Shack Burger
About as good as a hamburger gets. A Pat LaFrieda sirloin and brisket patty with crispy edges on a soft bun. The Shack Sauce is buttery heaven. The only downside here is that the single Shack Burger can leave you wanting more, while the double can put a hurtin’ on you. A single and a half would be about perfect.

Fries
Decent crinkle fries to accompany your burger. If you are really going for it, the cheese fries are pretty damn tasty.

Shack-cago Dog
While the burger is fantastic, the dogs at Shake Shack deserve some recognition of their own. This is a true Chicago style dog, steamed poppy seed bun and all.

New York Dog
A Vienna beef dog topped with some high end kraut on a potato roll. Not exactly a dirty water dog, but it’s tasty.

Bill’s burgers are griddle-top masterpieces with a low profile and a soft sesame seed bun, and they‘re definitely one of the best burgers in town. Variations on the standard include a burger with Anaheim chiles and an excellent homage to the In-N-Out classic. The prices are middle-of-nowhere cheap, and the service is laid back and friendly. We were especially pleased to find two well placed flat screens in the bar – perfect for discreetly watching a game while you house a burger or two.

At the end of the day, it’s probably a good thing for our health that Bill’s didn’t open in a neighborhood that we visit more frequently. Plus, that central Meatpacking location will make them a mint feeding all the drunks before they hop back in the limo and text their friends from a phone they dropped in the toilet. We’ll save our visits for afternoons.

Food Rundown:

Bill’s Classic with American Cheese
These burgers are made up of a “secret blend” of beef that is ground fresh daily, and they’re a nice manageable size. They’re done on the griddle, so the patty is thin but there is perfect bun to beef ratio. Bill’s Classic is very good as is, but we like to throw on some extra fixins like bacon and sautéed onions just to up the ante.

The Sunset and Vine
A brilliant homage to the In-N-Out burger, this is cheese and a “special sauce” just like you find at the west coast burger Mecca. So good. They nailed it.

The Bobcat
The Bobcat comes topped with jack cheese and Anaheim chiles, which give it some freshness along with a bit of a spicy kick. A nice way to switch it up.

Boneless Buffalo Chicken Wings
These are actually very good. The chicken is nice and juicy and cut into two bite strips. They could use a little extra sauce, but that’s an easy fix. Just ask for a little on the side.

Fries
The only let down at Bill’s were the fries. It’s strange how many places that sport a great burger have disappointing fries (In-N-Out again comes to mind). Order onion rings instead.

Onion Rings
Nice big onion rings that hold their batter and aren’t mushy. These are definitely greasy as hell, but they should be.

Oreo Shake
Yep, we ordered an Oreo shake. So what. It was awesome.