Honestly though, for us that’s all part of the game. Yes, it can be annoying to deal with an unpredictable situation, but for a pizza this good, we’re willing to deal with it. It’s all about knowing what to expect going in, and understanding that you might not end up with a table, no matter what they told you twenty minutes ago. Want to save yourself some disappointment? Don’t bring your fiance’s parents here. Don’t come without a backup plan. Don’t bring a date that you’re trying to impress with your restaurant game. Don’t try to hit Lucali before you have to catch a flight, report for military service, or do anything else that you can’t be late for. But if you’re down to just grab a bottle of wine, show up at 6pm, and pray that you get a table, you might be diving into some of the best pizza this city (and therefore Planet Earth) has to offer. Read below for what might be the shortest food rundown in Infatuation history – your options are pizza or calzone. Order both.

Food Rundown:

Pizza
Yes, it’s expensive for a pizza. $26 is a lot to spend on a pie. But it’s so fucking good, we don’t care. There will be a list of available toppings for the night, and if they don’t mention it, you can’t have it. Not to worry. I’m not sure it matters what you put on top. The thin and crispy crust, incredible sauce, and bubbly cheese are so perfect, it could be sprinkled with asbestos and we would eat it.

Calzones
Made from the pizza dough folded over onto the toppings, this comes in three sizes. The small is absolutely massive, and sort of resembles one of the monsters from that movie Tremors. For three people, we rocked a pizza and a small calzone, and walked away feeling stuffed but euphoric.

Photo Credit: Adam Kuban/Serious Eats

Food Rundown:

Fennel, Celery Root & Parsley with Sliced Red Onion, Lemon & Pecorino
A citrusy fennel salad that benefits from the celery root. Really nice.

Roasted Vegetable Salad
This is really just a bowl of roasted vegetables, which can be great if that’s what you’re feeling, but there are better salads to be had.

Frankies’ Greens with Cipollini Onion Cider Vinaigrette
We’ve hit the salads pretty hard at Frankies and this one is amazing, really because of it’s simplicity and that sweet and acidic vinaigrette.

House-Made Pappardelle with Braised Lamb, Tomato, Tarragon & Frankies Olive Oil
A tasty home made pasta with hearty lamb and herbs. This is a wintertime dish if I’ve ever seen one, but it’s somehow not as heavy as you might expect.

House-Made Cavatelli with Faiccos Hot Sausage & Browned Sage Butter
Aside from the massive pork shank special I ate a few weeks ago, this is my favorite of all the offerings from Frankies. Little home made cavatelli pasta with a delicious spicy sausage.

Sweet Potato & Sage Ravioli in Parmesan Broth
A fantastic light and airy ravioli, this is the perfect mix of sweet and savory. A fan favorite for sure.

Giant Pork Shank Special
Yes, I made that name up. This was a special last time I was in Frankie’s 17, and I was told that it’s on and off the menu at both locations. Remember that movie Encino Man? Yea, well this looks like something Link would have eaten before Pauly Shore defrosted him in 1992 California. So good, and so meaty.

Prime Meats has been on our list for a while now – we love Frankie’s Spuntino (owned by the same people), and we love meat. We also happen to be big fans of old timey things, and Prime Meats was meticulously designed to feel like it came from old timey New York. There’s a beautiful antique bar, the staff all look like extras from Gangs of New York, and you should know that, just like in the 1890’s, they only take cash. The menu is heavy and meat-centric, but most everything is incredible, especially the steaks and anything that sounds German, which is pretty much everything. Before you go, know that this is the kind of place you make a night of. You will likely wait a long while for your table, will likely drink far too many vintage cocktails, and will more than likely want to die from eating so much. As long as you plan accordingly, you should come away happy.

Food Rundown:

Housemade Pretzel with Bavarian Mustard
An amazing pretzel that’s soft and doughy in the thick parts and perfectly crunchy in the thin parts. Order a few.

The Vesper Brett
An “Alpine tasting board” with all sorts of goodness like smoked pork loin, farmer’s sausage, and a house cured bacon that is paper thin, lightly smoked, and melts in your mouth. We had this at the bar while we waited for our table and sucked back drinks. You should too.

Bibb Letuce Salad
With all that meat on the table, you’re going to want some roughage with your meal. This is a simple salad with some pumpkin seeds and a little citrus, and it’s very nice.

Sauteed Wild Mushrooms with Poached Egg
Soft cooked egg and mushrooms belong together like Lamar and Khloe. This is a plate of rich earthiness, and it’s amazing.

Dry Aged Bone In Ribeye
All you need to know here is that they bring this hunk of meat out to your table and show it to you before they cook it, just to make sure you’re actually aware of what you are about to do you your body. We ordered the ribeye for two and it was roughly the size of a Smartcar. So good.

Beef Sauerbraten and Braised Red Cabbage
A giant plate of pork belly, bratwurst, calf tongue, and knackwurst atop some sauerkraut. This is German meat heaven. The calf’s tongue is tender and incredible, and the wursts ain’t bad either. If you’re smart you’ll order this for the table and share.

Brussel Sprouts
Keep those greens comin’, you’re going to need them.