We are spoiled in this city…especially when it comes to food, booze, and the general pursuit of things that make us feel good. In a place where pretty much anything you can think of is no further than a cab ride away, it’s easy to become jaded and complain about the few things you can’t get. We have our own list of luxuries that we feel deprived of, and it includes, but is not limited to the following: good Mexican food, streets that don’t smell like pee, and true beer bars that know their shit.

Now that we’ve been to Blind Tiger, we will retract that last part. I grew up in Colorado, and went to college in Fort Collins, which is place that several very successful breweries call home. Needless to say, I became accustomed to drinking in bars with incredible beer selections. What I also became accustomed to, was eating some kind of terrible chicken ranch sandwich for dinner in these places, because that’s what you get in Fort Collins (ranch dressing is a religion in this part of the country). What we have found at Blind Tiger is a New York City bar that actually has an extensive microwbrew selection AND excellent food. Unfortunately, we’re not the only ones that know it. The place gets very crowded at times, but weekend afternoons are perfect, as are late nights when you need a good beer and a grilled cheese. The wings and sandwiches are also excellent, and it’s a great place to mix it up and meet people. Be warned though – the bar staff know their beer, but they’re not very friendly. We’ll let it slide…but only because there are Colorado brews on the tap every once in a while.

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When we heard about The Mermaid Inn opening an “Oyster Bar” in the Village, we were fired up like burnouts scrambling for tickets to the Phish shows at MSG. We’ve been frequenting the East Village location for years now, and the uptown outpost is just as good. They both serve up great fish and a nice lobster roll, and you’ll be hard pressed to find a safer bet for an “Early In the Game Date.” I also just recently had an incredible meal at Neptune Oyster in Boston and it’s been on the brain ever since. So naturally, we went in to the new Mermaid optimistic and ready to throw down some bivalves. Now, the place has all of the same appealing qualities as it’s predecessors and the food is good, but an oyster bar? I guess fifteen or so varieties qualify you, but we were hoping for a deeper raw bar and a little more excitement. Where’s the oyster inspiration? How about an oyster stew, maybe a po’ boy? The menu is standard Mermaid Inn fare, which is fine, but we had hopes for something a little more inventive. What it comes down to is that the Oyster Bar is perfect for mid-day beers and a dozen on ice, but it’s really just another Mermaid Inn. Hit up Flex Mussels if you’re looking for some inspired variations on a theme.

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We went to Alta with high expectations after hearing multiple (mostly female) friends rave about the food and famous “secret recipe” sangria. After tasting their sangria, A.K.A. gutter juice, it became clear why people are so obsessed. Because they’re all f*cking wasted. The sangria tastes nothing like regular sangria – it’s more like a Spanish Long Island Iced Tea, spiked with tequila and roofies. Impaired senses are all part of the master plan here. After one glass of this toxicity, we can see how Alta’s barely mediocre fare might taste like gold to someone in an inebriated state.

Alas, we passed on the sangria, and not even decent brussels sprouts and a solid squid ink paella could salvage this sinking Santa Maria. We should have been wary ahead of time. Any restaurant that has 48 different tapas options and offers up “The Whole Shebang,” (one of everything on the menu for $450) is suspect. Not every one of those items can be awesome. As it turned out, most of them were quite the opposite of awesome. Half the food tasted like it was fresh out of the microwave, and the service was a joke. Not that our waiter was a dick, we just didn’t get to see him much. Alta is seriously understaffed, which is surprising for a restaurant that revolves around booze refills and the rapid fire of plates being shot out of the kitchen. If you’re entertaining a group of drunk, easy to please patrons, Alta is your jam. If you want quality Spanish tapas hit Tia Pol, Mercat or Txikito.

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