Immaculate Infatuation

We have a new rule here at Immaculate Infatuation. No taking escalators to dinner. Why? Think about where are you likely to be if you’re on an escalator – an airport, an office building, a filthy subway, Disney World…or maybe a mall. In none of those situations are you likely to be scooting your way to an awesome meal. Guess what the Time Warner Center is? A mall…with a really expensive food court.

Considering this new rule, we have adjusted our scientific rating formula (see The Meatball Shop) to reflect a minimum two point deduction for making us ride an escalator to a meal. Therefore, every restaurant located in the Time Warner Center will receive a maximum 8.0. What’s that you say? Per Se is located in Time Warner Center and it’s the best restaurant on earth? It’s also 200 yards from a J-Crew and on the other end of a three escalator ride. No 10 spot for you.

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As a true cheese-a-phob (that’s right people, aside from cheese on pizza and the occasional mild cheese sauce, I avoid the stuff like the plague), you can imagine my reaction to the suggestion of eating anywhere related to Artisanal, the Mecca of all things cheese. However, after some arm twisting, I found myself walking into its grand, high ceilinged, chandeliered sister restaurant, Bar Artisanal. Imagine my surprise to find that while it stays true to its namesake with an extensive selection of cheeses, Bar Artisanal offers an expansive variety of non-cheese options as well. So much so, that it took me multiple visits to taste enough of the non-fromage items to write a well rounded review. Both the food and the service can be hit or miss, but the good outweigh the bad at this small plates French bistro. I look forward to my next visit.

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Amidst an incredibly fast moving New York City restaurant scene, Le Colonial feels old. It’s a well established Midtown East mainstay, but just the fact that you’re on this site right now has us betting that you don’t know much about it. This is the kind of place that people find out about from their 2004 hard copy of Zagat, not the internet. I’ve never seen the actual Zagat entry (didn’t want to spend the $14 for Yelp on paper), but I can pretty much guess how it goes. “Delicious food” in a “colonial French/Vietnamese setting” with “friendly service” and “a hip and sexy upstairs lounge”. Sexy upstairs lounge you say? Tell the babysitter we’re going to be home late.

So why did we end up spending valuable time and hard earned money evaluating a place nobody is talking about? An expert. A friend of ours who was born in Saigon and raised in Cali had heard great things and been aching to stack it up against mom’s cooking. We jumped at the opportunity to bear witness to proper judgement, and came away with the following conclusion: Le Colonial is legit. Yes it’s expensive, and yes it feels a little stuffy. But the food is delicious, (mostly) authentic, and the service is great. So now that you’ve heard about it here, go eat at Le Colonial and help it get some cool back. We’re sure they would appreciate it.

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Even before we reached media mogul/baller status here at Immaculate Infatuation, Bar Stuzzichini has always welcomed us with VIP treatment. While we like to believe that this is a direct result of our indelible charm and a general awareness that we would soon be making it rain, we will concede that the place is usually half empty. That said, I personally have had experiences visiting a restaurant on a slow night and being treated like a Swine Flu patient (see Shang), and also to be fair, the dining room at Bar Stuzz is pretty large. What really makes Bar Stuzzichini a staple though are a few superstar dishes, a well priced wine list, and a varied menu that has both small plates and entree size portions with something for everyone at the table. Put it all together and you’ve got the perfect spot for a large group meal, or just to stop in and feel like you own the joint.

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When we heard about The Mermaid Inn opening an “Oyster Bar” in the Village, we were fired up like burnouts scrambling for tickets to the Phish shows at MSG. We’ve been frequenting the East Village location for years now, and the uptown outpost is just as good. They both serve up great fish and a nice lobster roll, and you’ll be hard pressed to find a safer bet for an “Early In the Game Date.” I also just recently had an incredible meal at Neptune Oyster in Boston and it’s been on the brain ever since. So naturally, we went in to the new Mermaid optimistic and ready to throw down some bivalves. Now, the place has all of the same appealing qualities as it’s predecessors and the food is good, but an oyster bar? I guess fifteen or so varieties qualify you, but we were hoping for a deeper raw bar and a little more excitement. Where’s the oyster inspiration? How about an oyster stew, maybe a po’ boy? The menu is standard Mermaid Inn fare, which is fine, but we had hopes for something a little more inventive. What it comes down to is that the Oyster Bar is perfect for mid-day beers and a dozen on ice, but it’s really just another Mermaid Inn. Hit up Flex Mussels if you’re looking for some inspired variations on a theme.

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