Immaculate Infatuation

Our Billyburg peeps have been all up in our ear about this one for a while, so it saddens me to report that our experiences here have been less than stellar. I don’t know, maybe the food at DuMont tastes better in skinny jeans and dirty chucks. It’s definitely a dope hang, especially in the summer, when hipsters flock to the patio and treehouse section like it’s an American Apparel trunk sale. But aside from an excellent burger and the fan favorite mac-n-cheese, the dopeness ends there. The food coming out of DuMont’s kitchen definitely doesn’t meet expectations, especially with those prices. When entrees run $18-25, especially in Brooklyn, we expect culinary excellence, not sloppy plates of mediocrity. There also seems to be something just a little off with each dish. Like, why they gotta go kill the skate with a gallon of olives? Is it really necessary to cure a piece of cod in salt and then add a salt crust too? Questionable behavior.

If you’re looking to check “get dirty with a band dude” off your hookup list, this is your spot. If a quality meal in Williamsburg is what you’re after, skip DuMont and spend the extra couple bucks at Dressler. DuMont is like that indie band Pitchfork gets everyone to freak out over, but in reality only has a couple good songs.

… read more

If you were to draft up a checklist of all the essentials for a hipster restaurant, Lodge in Williamsburg would look pretty damn-near perfect on paper. Deer antler chandeliers? Check. Cans of Genny Cream and Schmidt? Check. Bar made of reclaimed wood? Check. TV set from 1987? Check. I could go on…but you get the idea. Sure, hipsters are easy targets, and mocking them has become a cliché in its own right, but it’s too hard to resist here. The warm and cozy adirondack cabin thing at Lodge feels forced and contrived. And yes, we get the whole beards and flannel irony of a dude that goes fly fishing in Brooklyn. This place is unfortunately like Freemans’ apathetic little brother – trying hard to emulate, but falling short of the effortless cool of their older sibling.

When it comes to good food and service, that hipster ideal of just not giving a shit doesn’t fly. Our party of four came in on a slow weekday night and our waitress was disinterested from the start. We don’t ask for much, and all it takes is about thirty seconds of pretending like you actually care for us to feel loved. Come say hello once. Let us know you’re at least attempting to do your job. Also, try not to give us terrible reccomendations (see the whole grilled trout). Lodge’s menu looked good, and it’s pretty damn cheap, but it ultimately fell short on the follow through. We’ll pass on the Brooklyn hipster aesthetic and eat somewhere good instead.

… read more

The hype on Porchetta is unlike anything we’ve ever seen. Has a sandwich of any kind, even a burger, ever garnered this much critical acclaim? In print, online and across NYC food nation, people are wetting themselves over Porchetta’s Tuscan style pork sandwich. People treat it like a Wes Anderson directed movie that Thom Yorke did the soundtrack for and Megan Fox shows her tits in. It’s absurd!

We’re not shy about hopping on the bandwagon when something deserves it and fully expected to be front car on this trip. Unfortunately, despite repeat visits and plenty of chances the verdict is in; this sandwich is disgustingly overrated. The pork is less than plentiful and too dry, the bread nowhere near moist enough and way too thick. Sure, it’s reasonably tasty and for $9, it’s a bargain according to NYC standards, but the praise is completely unwarranted. The Porchetta sandwich ranked #1 in Time Out’s “Best Thing We Ate This Year” spread, while NY Mag can’t stop writing about Porchetta (they prominently featured it in the “Where To Eat 2009″ issue). The bottom line is that it’s just not all that. The hype on Porchetta is just that – hype!

… read more