Immaculate Infatuation

Local pig farmers must have thrown the biggest barnyard rager ever when news broke that The Spotted Pig’s Ken Friedman and April Bloomfield were ditching their failed fish experiment, The John Dory, and headed back to the swine. Everyone on the Internet certainly paid attention. Hands down, The Breslin was the single-most hyped restaurant opening of 2009. Like college kids camped out before Bonnaroo, hungry food bloggers set up shop in the Ace Hotel lobby for weeks, drinking Porkslap Pale Ale and sleeping on couches as they typed, tweeted and texted The Breslin’s every move.

Not to say that we weren’t guilty of blowing up @immaculateinfat with pictures of pig foot now and again, but we definitely tried to not get sucked in by the hype. We hit The Breslin as much as possible before fully weighing in, which wasn’t an easy task. It’s obviously one of the tougher tables in town. Over the last month or two, we managed a solid Chronic Brunch hang with Hot 97’s Miss Info and Spin.com’s Peter Gaston and a Dinner With The Parent’s move was manageable mid-week. The Breslin is definitely a better option for Weekday/After Work Drinks & Dinner than on the weekends, when you’re sure to hit crazy three hour waits.

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Let’s be honest, if you’re going to go to Gemma, you’re not going for the food, you’re going for the scene. If you’re looking to have an amazing romantic dinner with some of the best Italian food this city has to offer, keep looking (we strongly suggest Max in the East Village). However, if you’re looking to go out with a big group, celebrate a birthday, and have a really good time, this is perfect. The food isn’t terrible, it’s just not the main attraction here. We had a couple of solid dishes that were appropriately priced, and left happily full with no regrets. There are a lot of big spaces in the back which are set up perfectly for large parties. The place has a great vibe, an amazing drink menu, and is as lively as any place east of the Meat Packing district. After dinner, The Library Bar at the Bowery Hotel is a perfect spot for a drink, as is Von, an Immaculate Infatuation favorite on Bleecker and Bowery.

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New York Magazine recently wrote up The Standard Grill under the title “Above Standard”. Well, guess what, we’ve got higher standards than that. While we loved spending a few hours blowing up Twitter with live commentary from that ridiculous scene, the bottom line is that the food at The Standard Grill is bad. This review almost got tagged with “perfect for: wasting your time and money“, but the decent pork chop and constant parade of cougars and euros in and out of the place were worth a handful of points. The restaurant is massive, and includes a wrap around patio in front and a beer garden on the side, complete with ping-pong tables and picnic bench seating. Perfect for mixing it up with the business casual dudes that have since abandoned Brass Monkey. It seems the Standard Grill is the new place to see-and-be-seen, whether you’re a nightclub socialite, a recent Wisconsin grad, or a Real Housewife of New Jersey. I’m sure that the food is good enough to keep those types coming back, but we expect more, and if you’re reading this website, chances are you do too. It’s going to take more than a bowl of chocolate mousse and three spatulas (see the food rundown) to get us throwing around accolades. Go spend your hard earned dollars on something satisfying.

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Our Billyburg peeps have been all up in our ear about this one for a while, so it saddens me to report that our experiences here have been less than stellar. I don’t know, maybe the food at DuMont tastes better in skinny jeans and dirty chucks. It’s definitely a dope hang, especially in the summer, when hipsters flock to the patio and treehouse section like it’s an American Apparel trunk sale. But aside from an excellent burger and the fan favorite mac-n-cheese, the dopeness ends there. The food coming out of DuMont’s kitchen definitely doesn’t meet expectations, especially with those prices. When entrees run $18-25, especially in Brooklyn, we expect culinary excellence, not sloppy plates of mediocrity. There also seems to be something just a little off with each dish. Like, why they gotta go kill the skate with a gallon of olives? Is it really necessary to cure a piece of cod in salt and then add a salt crust too? Questionable behavior.

If you’re looking to check “get dirty with a band dude” off your hookup list, this is your spot. If a quality meal in Williamsburg is what you’re after, skip DuMont and spend the extra couple bucks at Dressler. DuMont is like that indie band Pitchfork gets everyone to freak out over, but in reality only has a couple good songs.

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